Jumpkick to Freedom

Citing a need to spend more time creating nonsensical analogies and meandering speeches, Governor Palin stepped down from her post over the holiday weekend.  I read the write-ups in the Post and Times, but I feel it’s impossible to truly get a sense of her wild incoherence without witnessing it directly.

Interestingly, Palin has become outraged at the “main stream media” who have defamed her following her seven-minute descent into madness.  In the absence of a definite reason for Palin’s stepping down, some have speculated that it was in connection with a federal investigation.  In response, Palin’s attorney twittered an update to her friendster page warning that “those who re-publish the defamation, such as Huffington Post, MSNBC, the New York Times and The Washington Post, that the Palins will not allow them to propagate defamatory material without answering to this in a court of law.”

So let’s cease the speculation, and concentrate on those few facts that Palin is on record as saying.

Things Palin can offer Alaskans by quitting as governor:

• Greater efficiency (0:13 in the video)
• Increased effectiveness (0:15)
• An absence of interruption(0:53)
• Administrative and legislative success (0:58)
• Less time and tax dollars wasted in Alaska (2:38)
• An end to calls for her to quit

After stating her compelling case for why Alaska will be run much more smoothly and efficiently if she is not governor, Palin turned her sights to outlining a broader agenda.  No longer will she participate in the bloodsporting and full court pressing that characterizes the arena of Alaskan politics (an arena rivaling the power and influence of , say, the Columbus Ohio city council).

Instead, she will dedicate herself to promoting those things we desperately need more of in America. Among them:

• Energy independence (1:57)
• Freedom (4:08)
• Down’s syndrome (3:52)
• Passing the ball / quitting when we face obstacles (1:50)
• Keeping our eyes on either the basket (1:46), or the ball (1:54), or potentially one on each, chameleon-style
• Victory (by way of quitting) (2:04)
• Alaskans who are willing to enter politics (5:25), and presumably, to quit when it’s high time to quit

So really, let’s leave her alone.  She clearly stated her reasons for stepping down, and outlined in great detail what she’ll be doing in the future.  She just wants to lead the quiet life of a civilian, far from the media’s spotlight.  And if she changes her mind, her attorney will let us know promptly via facebook message.