(I think now is a good time to plead that no matter what I may write in this space, I would really, really appreciate it if you didn’t round up a group of your ‘tween friends, grab a bunch two-by-fours , and ambush me outside my apartment.  First of all, I was probably just joking.  And second, I don’t leave my house without a bevy of throwing stars.  You’ve been warned.)

This brings up an important question: Why is MySpace forcing children to stab one another?  Maybe it’s the excruciatingly flashy profiles.  Maybe it’s the terrible pressure of making it into your friend’s Top 8.  Maybe it’s the fact that complex human emotions are boiled down to bedazzled HTML vomit.  No matter what the case is, one thing is clear–MySpace is turning children into violent monsters who will slit your throat as soon as look at you.

Our only hope is that they join Facebook soon, where the most insidious behavior is quiety de-tagging yourself from every picture where you had a lazy eye.