This might be the greatest thing to come out of Japan since Ninja Warrior.  Those of you with quick eyes and dark hearts might even notice the brief appearance of a Magic: The Gathering card.

Kanye West is not a huge fan of Jumpkick to Freedom

Seriously Kanye, give me a shot here.  I’ll post more, I’ll make better jokes.  It might never be what Beyonce’s site is, but it’s all I got now.

(I think now is a good time to plead that no matter what I may write in this space, I would really, really appreciate it if you didn’t round up a group of your ‘tween friends, grab a bunch two-by-fours , and ambush me outside my apartment.  First of all, I was probably just joking.  And second, I don’t leave my house without a bevy of throwing stars.  You’ve been warned.)

This brings up an important question: Why is MySpace forcing children to stab one another?  Maybe it’s the excruciatingly flashy profiles.  Maybe it’s the terrible pressure of making it into your friend’s Top 8.  Maybe it’s the fact that complex human emotions are boiled down to bedazzled HTML vomit.  No matter what the case is, one thing is clear–MySpace is turning children into violent monsters who will slit your throat as soon as look at you.

Our only hope is that they join Facebook soon, where the most insidious behavior is quiety de-tagging yourself from every picture where you had a lazy eye.

I don’t think it’s pre-emptive though; likely, Kim Jong Il is just retaliating for the denial of service attacks that have been launched against his motor skills and normally rosy cheeks.

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